New beginnings may seem strange when one is in the midst of relationship problems. In fact, each day is a new beginning. Yes, that may sound trite but it is also true. And, new beginnings are not for the faint of heart. They take work, effort and love.
As we begin the day, we can hold a grudge, or go over and over the last interaction that felt bad. We can drum up a storm of internal protest against beginning. We then stay stuck in the old. Our habits are reinforced and we are lost in the unconscious, repeating an old and often unsatisfying routine. That may be a definition of what it is to be unconscious and what keeps you in an unending rut.
The new beginnings sound appealing, but actually in the midst of these sorts of difficulties seem daunting. So, how can you be open? One way is to do just that. Why listen to the negative rant in your head? Why not sit down with yourself first and then your partner and hear, really hear the point of the discussion? Do you really want this relationship to move forward? Do you have the wherewithal to persevere into your own problems and open them and your heart with your partner? New beginnings involve taking a look at what happened and examining the patterns while trying to understand what went off. What old complexes, or cluster of emotional reactions and expectations, are rules your life now? This is the energy that has you acting in ways you do not realize.
One way to realize what is going on is to trace your dreams. How do you appear in them? At what age are you? What are you wearing? And, how does your relationship partner appear? Is she or he different than in person? And, again, how does this person look the same or different in dreams from in waking life? This will show what parts of you your partner represents and help answer the question of who are you really fighting with? What is holding up the new beginnings? And, how you can begin to cope differently than the rut you are currently involved in?
Then share this information with your partner. The sharing of inner feelings and thoughts, dreams and impressions helps people get close. Intimacy is about not repeating the old but creating anew. It has energy and satisfaction built in. So, you can imagine how you are depriving yourself to remain in old habits that block the surfacing of the new. It is not that you must do anything at all, but aren’t you bored with the same old words, the same old result and the lack of the spontaneous that comes with being unconscious. Being conscious, although difficult, leads to far more excitement. The opportunity and choice is yours.