Daniela Roher, PhD and Susan Schwartz, PhD

Author

On Love and Rilke

“The demands which the difficult work of love makes upon our development are more than life-size, and as beginners we are not up to them”. This is a quote from the famous German writer, Rainer Maria Rilke from the beginning of the 1900’s. It can seem that he wrote so long ago and we could [...]

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A Love Myth

Love constellates positive, negative and challenging elements to our personality. Love opens us to the impenetrable or unspeakable truths about the human condition, and particularly the pain and confusion often occurring in relationships. The intensity of love and its travails experienced personally is similar to the archetypal motifs and mythic patterns that demonstrate the path [...]

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Untangling from the Past

Untangling from the past means a couple individually and together consciously engage in the present. This seems so obvious. But, can you do it? The whole concept implies taking the history and prior reactions and not letting them rule the present interaction. It means taking the moment for what it is. If the past hurts [...]

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Dreams about You and Your Partner

Here is the scenario. Your partner appears in your dreams. You wonder what does this mean? In the dream is he or she with you, with another, loving, kind or not? Are you relating, talking, hugging, having sex? All of these various poses and life expressions mean something about what you need, are getting or [...]

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Relationship Ruptures and Repair

People at one point in a relationship never imagine that the unsaid issues will haunt them later on. They, we, all of us, just try to ignore the problems and go on. The popular phrase is ‘get over it’ or ‘move on’ but the real phrase is that it will come around and cannot be [...]

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Beginning Communication

A couple comes to my office. She reports having been emotionally hurt for years. He did not realize this is why she refused his physical advances. In fact, he did not know how to ask what was happening. She thought he knew or should know. He assumed that he was clear to her even though [...]

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Endings…and Beginnings

“I am without direction and cannot find my way. There are poor rooms divided by curtains that are ripped–like you would see in very poor countries where people have no privacy. People are not unhelpful but their directions to me do not help me find my way. I still cannot find my group or where [...]

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Love’s Story

A poem by the famous Persian poet Rumi from the 14th century, entitled Lovers, describes love: "Everywhere the murmur of departure; the stars, like candles thrust at us from behind blue veils, and as if to make the invisible plain, a wondrous people have come forth". Love is basic. A need? An instinct? A life [...]

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After The Holidays and Into the New Year

By now most of us are back to our work schedules, our daily responsibilities and chores and the routines of everyday life. Even though it has been only a week from New Year, the holidays already seem far away. On the one hand we are glad to be back to our normal lives, to eating [...]

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The Holiday Time and the Dynamics of Distance

The holidays are reminders that we want closeness yet unconsciously set up emotional walls of distance. This may sound strange and paradoxical as the holidays are supposed to represent remembrance and thoughtfulness, love and care. They also bring up all the early needs that went unmet previously and emerge in the present so we attend [...]

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