Archive: February, 2013

Endings…and Beginnings

“I am without direction and cannot find my way. There are poor rooms divided by curtains that are ripped–like you would see in very poor countries where people have no privacy. People are not unhelpful but their directions to me do not help me find my way. I still cannot find my group or where I belong. I wander around and am more and more distressed. I am somehow sure I will get the path but it is not yet there. Even though I am upset and almost panicky, I remember that things work out for me. So, up and down the escalators I go. Have I been here before, I question? This hotel like place seems to have an air of familiarity. Yes, I was here before but also know I want to not be here and to get out.”

This dream repeated and repeated. Sometimes there was a way out, sometimes not. It came at a time of huge endings in a woman’s life. Her primary relationship was changing and had the possibility of becoming deeper but it was rocky at the moment. She did not know where to go on from where she was. Inside herself she was confused, at odds. What was right? Should she stay as it was or push for more emotion and zest between them. Then she remembered she was the one to bring it up. Would he get it? Should she persist and try yet again? It seemed she had been down this route before and always ended at the same old stalemate. But, the dream in its repetition kept telling her the issue remained unresolved and posed the question about her own satisfaction, or lack thereof. If things stayed the same would the metaphor remain of her being lost and without direction?

Her relationship was pushing for her development personally and she had to face herself and her life. Did she want to remain? Was it good enough? Could they get closer? Would that solve her lack of inner direction? She was not sure and like in the dream seemed to be going in circles.

Yet, she felt the need to persist and play it out. Have the conversation they seemed to have but push it beyond the walls. Recognize the difficult and convoluted feelings, ask about his, reveal hers to a greater extent and not be just whiney but secure in what she presented. She was going to try, she decided. This time she had to extricate from the morass of indecision and take the leap of faith in both of them. They each had a part and both had to be accountable. They were living without the joy and the question was if they could re-find it. So, she was going to open the conversation, not to get to the same point they always go to, but to get through to somewhere and to put some resolution on that dream.

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